When It's Time to Say Goodbye

After turning 30, it's about time to see more about the dark and bright side of the world. To be exact, more about the dark side. Dirty office politics, grey areas on a lot of matters, strings-pulling and all that. Most of all, we have to learn how to face the death of our friends and relatives, deal with funerals, accept the facts and move on.

My uncle passed away on July 28, a day when a typhoon hit Taiwan. Some of my relatives went to pay our respect and send our condolences to his family even though the strong wind blew and heavy rains were pouring outside. Maybe he looked serious all the time, but we all knew he was passionate and took the bond in the big family very seriously. That's why I and my cousins get together each year at his house most of the time before we head off to the cemetery on Tomb Sweeping Day. This year, after worshiping our ancestors, all of us gathered at another uncle's house and had lunch together. The surgery and the chemotherapy took a lot of pounds from him. He told us he was thrilled each year for the gathering because he could get together with us. When he said this to us, I could see he was welling up. That's the last time we worshiped our ancestors together, but the legacy he left to the big family was invaluable. His funeral was held last Thursday, August 7. A lot of relatives and friends showed up. It was kind of sad to see them under the circumstance. My uncle's body was cremated, but his spirit lives on.

This Monday (8/11) one classmate from college blew his brain out in the line of duty. It came as a big shock to all of us. He was a very responsible and positive person. When one classmate broke the astounding news to us on MSN, I couldn't believe what I saw on the screen. It's very hard to associate "suicide" with him. His two cute kids and his great wife were left behind without any prior warnings and suicide notes. How come he chose to end his life? What makes him so hopeless and have to resort to such an extreme solution? There is no other way out? He's only 37 and would have had a bright future down the road. All of our classmates are devastated and still can't accept the truth. A lot of us can't figure out what got into him. Maybe it's depression, stress, or other reason that we don't know. However, I believe he must have tried to show his vulnerability in some ways. It's just that we might not be able to be sensitive enough to be aware of that sign and lift him up. Some classmates blamed him for the stupidity. Nothing should be worth him ending his life and leaving his loved ones behind. However, I can picture how depressed, hopeless and hesitant he felt even before he decided to point the gun at his own head and pulled the trigger. Imaging that scene alone can be a torture to all of us, let alone to himself. All of our classmates are working on some feasible and constructive measures to help his family go through the tough moment, especially the two innocent children. May he rest in heaven and put some smiles on his face again when he looks at us from above.

Life can be very hard and frustrating when we deal with things like this. Just like my best friend usually says, "That's the way the cookie crumbles." So, at times we might be wondering the meaning of life. It doesn't seem to make a big difference whether you are rich or poor. After all, at the end of the day, when all is said and done, we will all be sure taken away from our loved ones and embark on an open-ended journey. However, one thing is for sure. Although we can't decide the length of life, we can do whatever it takes to make it meaningful and cheerful without regret. Or just like what the great author of "the last lecture" says , "Life is like a game of cards. The hand you are dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will. "
So, cherish what we own at present. Spend more time with our loved ones. When our friends turn to us, don't push them away. Try to listen and extend a helping hand when needed. Maybe that little empathy and care can turn his world around and empower him more strength to tackle his problem.