Culture Shock?

One friend just came back from the US after her advanced studies. However, it seems that she isn't a happy camper. She used to be a very happy person before she headed to America. I can't help wondering what got into her. The other day we had a chance to have a heart-to-heart conversation. She told me it's a bit difficult for her to get used to life in Taiwan. Her neighbors are so nosy and never stop reminding her that it's about time for her to find someone and get married. In some occasions, a couple of "caring" and "enthusiastic" relatives want to know how much she makes after studying overseas and figure out if the studies worth every penny. She told me she understood that people, especially seniors, asking questions like this meant well or at least didn't have any intention to offend her. However, after living in the US, where individualism are practiced and personal privacy is highly respected, for a couple of years, she felt at ease and much more comfortable without dealing with similar questions. She was born and raised here in Taiwan. It doesn't seem to make sense that she can't cope with this. However, she told me sometimes she really wanted to get up and go back to the States just in order to avoid those embarrassing moments. The additional, extra and intense attention suffocates her and makes her hard to breathe. She wanted to learn how to turn a deaf ear to the voices and reply gracefully, but most of the time it's in vain. Why can't a person born and raised in Taiwan get used to the life style here after experiencing exotic life?

Another friend is doing his postgraduate studies in London. I remember during the first few months he was so delighted and kept telling me how great London was, just like a kid in a candy store. He even invited me to visit him. However, after the third month, things started to change. He started to complain about the food, cold British people and bad weather. He even begged me to send some instant noodles to him. Why is there such a disparity in his mood between the first two months and after that?

In the first story, maybe this friend opened her vision, totally embraced the idea of individualism and privacy in the US, and couldn't stand the nosy neighbors and inquisitive relatives here in Taiwan, a place where the culture she is familiar with. Sometimes it's a good thing to re-evaluate the customs and rule of thumb at home after being exposed to a place with different culture and moral standards. Although we all say "When in Rome, do as Romans do," we still have our rights and free will to choose whatever to believe in and accept. However, this could be a case of culture shock, too.

It's inevitable to experience more or less culture shock when one lives overseas, including food, cultural differences, religion, and daily practices. In other words, it will affect one's life to some degree. Some people can fit in and blend in pretty well after a short period of time. Others might require more time to cope with the stress and anxiety. However, culture shock isn't just about negative or dark sides. As a matter of fact, according to some research, it includes several phases as follows:

1. The "Honeymoon" Phase
During this phase, an individual might find things in the new environment interesting, such as food, buildings, people, culture, and all that. Sometimes they even try to compare the life there with their home country and love their new lives even better. People usually experience this stage during the first few months.

2. The "Negotiation" Phase
During this phase, people find some conflicts between the new place and their native countries, such as red tape, opening an account, traffic, lifestyles, pace, interpersonal relationships, personal space, privacy, daily practices and all that. They start to be homesick and long to get their lives back to the way they were. As a result, some choose to stay, cope with the problems and successfully assimilated into the culture while others opt to quit and go back to their native countries. This stage often comes after the honeymoon stage.

3. The "Everything is OK" Phase
During the previous stage, for people who hang in there and try even harder to be part of the new country, they will enter this stage. They will grow on the lifestyles, routine life, daily practices and cultural differences. For them, the new life is not new anymore. They can appreciate the strengths and weaknesses of the culture and get accustomed to it. As a consequence, they feel the culture is just like the old culture in their original countries. They don't have the same problem and anxiety they used to experience. However, from the "Negotiation" stage to the "Everything is OK" stage, the time one spends varies. It could be from a couple of months, weeks to years. It's on an individual basis.

4. The "Reverse Culture Shock" Phase
Not every one would experience this phase. This phase will be only experienced by people who return to their native countries after living overseas and getting used to life there. They embrace some culture and ideas before they move back to their original countries. But after returning home, the two cultures collide and the conflicts appear again. One could lash out on the traditional values and culture and have the denial response. And again, he/she has to experience the first three stages of culture shock again.

Going back to the first case, it's possible that my friend is experiencing the "Reverse Culture Shock" phase. After all, she just moved back not long ago. Concerning the second case, it's obvious that he is experiencing the "Negotiation" stage. Hopefully both of them can adjust their mindset pretty well and enjoy their lives home and abroad respectively.